the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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