this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
