even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
