So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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