I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
