hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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