I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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