i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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