Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
