Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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