so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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