as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
