Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
