Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
