I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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