That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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