My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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