my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
