im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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