Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
