just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
