Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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