shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
