Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We need to get me chipped asap
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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