pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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