your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
