I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want a musical about memes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
