As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want her autograph on my taint
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
