i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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