Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
