looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize