So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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