when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
