this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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