my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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