I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize