Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
