Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize