Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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