then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
