I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
