i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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