i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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