I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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