Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
