How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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