Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
