Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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