yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
