note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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