Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
