you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
