I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
