'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
