Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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