May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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