Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
