Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
