there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
