I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
