some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
