I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
