I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
