I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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