yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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