two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
