just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize