I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
