i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
