I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
