my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
